My thoughts on doubt and wonder part 2

The devil I'm running from now.

See that's the thing that God said to me, the last time that I spoke with him when I was sober.

He said:

DO NOT BE IN SOMEONE'S LIFE IF YOU CANNOT BE A GIFT.

And what I said to Charlie is:

I can see that you don't want a relationship right now.

"With you" he left unsaid.

Anyway, that was my romance while I was trying really hard to align my conversation with God to Christianity. I guess, I mentally went in and then mentally came out.

and when i get to thinking about it that way i get some where near a memory of what actually happened.

Other than that I usually just have this sense of dred.

An ever-leasening sense of dred.

Then I start wondering when the doubt started.