how to love someone

He says he only sees the good in me. He doesn't understand. You have to see the bad in me, too. You have to take people how they are. Not how you want them to be.

Who can live up to that?

Ugh. Just thinking about it exhausts me. I've let down almost everyone in my life. And why? Cause they had expectations of me. That's just the fact of it. You can't let down someone who doesn't have any expectations of you.

The only relationship I ever had like that was with God.

GOD WOULD KNEEL DOWN

a poem written by Daniel Ladinsky from the works of St. Francis of Assissi

I think God might be a little prejudiced.

For once He asked me to join Him on a walk 

through this world,

and we gazed into every heart on this earth,

and I noticed He lingered a bit longer 

before any face that was weeping,

and before any eyes that were 

laughing.

And sometimes when we passed

a soul in worship

God too would kneel

down.

I have come to learn: God

adores His

creation.

Day 77

From my window I can see the Southwest hills. God, I love Portland. It occurs to me now, at least once a day, that I have so much to be thankful for. My tiny, cozy little room that rents in this big, old house with its crazy tenants for $350 a month, the thick-ass drapes on the windows that shut out all the light at night so I can sleep like a baby, my own personal balcony where I sit with my mom's blanket over my lap, steaming hot cup of coffee in hand smoking a cigarette maybe ten times a day. Not to mention it's beautiful out.

I made an altar. I bought shelf-thingy from Fred Meyer's and put all this cool, altary stuff on it. I'm really thankful for that. It has been an inspiration.