What Nick wrote about our conversation

"I live in a world of delusion," Sarah complained.

"We all do," I agreed.

"Yeah," she said, "I know. That's my other point."

"I know you know," I giggled. "That's why I like ya. You get it."

We burst out laughing as our cognitive frameworks collapsed joyfully upon themselves, two schoolchildren giggling on the playground while the school house toppled

Nick wrote that to me before we even got off the phone. Show off. He's trying to teach me to write conversation. For now, I'd just like to include it as a piece of my own. From a different perspective, you know, to stroke my ego.

So the trick is getting back to writing After you've gotten off. Again and again. And that's all I have to do write now is keep writing. Write now. Write now. Nick already told me that one.

This is why I can't read that pronoia workbook write now. Is because I get too jealous. I type like a little kid when I get sad. I can't seem to get it out if I try to slow down. Speeding up, out of control to a point of stable, perpetual movement, constantly versus evermore urgent efforts to slow down. More concentrated, longer efforts to slow down. It's a lot of hard work. I have no idea why it's so hard, but ultimately, it's good for me. With or without the pot.

I have no idea what to say...aaron, i'm so sorry. My stuck point with this fanciful notion that I talk to God is what got us here. Where I don't know where you are and you don't know where I am. Where you're over there working on your music and I'm over here working on my book. Now, I can't wait for you to read this. Cause now it's gonna look like a litany of me stabbing myself on that excitement until I bleed. That hurt to say. Are you writing to me over there with your song? I doubt it, I don't know. You weren't talking directly about me any of those other times. I don't know, it was possible for me to infer them to be talking about me. I don't know why I can't lie now. That hurt too. I feel like that though when I write, like I get just within reach of the truth. And now i've been paying more attention to my body. All it says is that I have physical feeling pain somewhere in my body. God, why is that so hard to admit. Dear to whomever this may concern, I don't know how long it's going to take me to get better. I PLAN ON MAKING IT TAKE THE REST OF MY LIFE. If that means starting with pot I'm okay with that but soon into I'm gonna wanna give up everything else that's holding me back...

My version of nick and my's conversation

A little bit of honest, digging introspection into what false beliefs I held revealed that we are all delusional to some extent. It's what those delusions are, what stage we are in of giving up our delusions. And we're at a very early one, but it's a big, quick step. A tread on the wheel.

Anyway, Nick and I were talking about my blocks as a writer. They were all very emotional issues.